01-22-2006, 04:38 AM
Thanks for peaking in here. Now I fancy myself somthing of a writer and do love to get feedback where I can. Now this paticualr story I am excited about writeing, even though Ive only begun in the last few days. So far its just the first few paragraphs. So if you all would do me the honor of looking it over and posting your comments, that would be fabulous.
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Alahna wept the day her brothers carried the body of their father into the catacombs deep beneath the family estate. The days before she had desperately hoped that he was in a deep trance, exploring the world of the others, but after twelve days there was no doubt that her fatherâââ‰â¢s physical soul had departed. Even when she slung herself over her father, begging her brothers to let it be, she knew that to wait any longer would risk losing her fatherâââ‰â¢s spirit soul to the void as well.
Her mother was too ill to make the steep decent into the wet and moldy mix of caverns and stone worked tunnels that made up the Hâââ‰â¢jhal family tombs. Every member of their family, every servant, every favored horse, hound and hawk, was carefully laid to rest in these hallowed chambers. Their purpose now was to add their power to the family in death as they had in life.
This power had always comforted Alahna in her dark times. When she was young and plagued with nightmares, it was only in the stony wet that she could find sleep. It was there that instead of the terrors of the voidwalkers, of Clyph the Witchking, or the Hounds of Eaerk, haunting her dreams, she found her sleep visions populated by the grandfather she never knew, of the twin brother who never lived past his first month, of the stable Jhat who gave her little mint treats and died when she was only four. All these and many more had been her strength through all her ten years, but in wake of her fathers passing all she felt was emptiness.
An echoing shout roused Alahna from her thoughts and tears. ââ∠âSister, you are falling behind the light. Hurry yourself.âââ¬Ã
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Alahna wept the day her brothers carried the body of their father into the catacombs deep beneath the family estate. The days before she had desperately hoped that he was in a deep trance, exploring the world of the others, but after twelve days there was no doubt that her fatherâââ‰â¢s physical soul had departed. Even when she slung herself over her father, begging her brothers to let it be, she knew that to wait any longer would risk losing her fatherâââ‰â¢s spirit soul to the void as well.
Her mother was too ill to make the steep decent into the wet and moldy mix of caverns and stone worked tunnels that made up the Hâââ‰â¢jhal family tombs. Every member of their family, every servant, every favored horse, hound and hawk, was carefully laid to rest in these hallowed chambers. Their purpose now was to add their power to the family in death as they had in life.
This power had always comforted Alahna in her dark times. When she was young and plagued with nightmares, it was only in the stony wet that she could find sleep. It was there that instead of the terrors of the voidwalkers, of Clyph the Witchking, or the Hounds of Eaerk, haunting her dreams, she found her sleep visions populated by the grandfather she never knew, of the twin brother who never lived past his first month, of the stable Jhat who gave her little mint treats and died when she was only four. All these and many more had been her strength through all her ten years, but in wake of her fathers passing all she felt was emptiness.
An echoing shout roused Alahna from her thoughts and tears. ââ∠âSister, you are falling behind the light. Hurry yourself.âââ¬Ã