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Where do calves come from?
#1
Growling under his breath, Amato drags Toranda behind him by one horn. Her dreamy expression has faded, replaced by a mischievous grin more suited to a nearly-grown calf than the young woman she is. With every step, she peppers him with questions:

"But why can't I ask sweet, sexy Sreng where calves come from? I'm sure he'd tell me.."

"You know, for someone who spends as much time with my sister as you do, I don't see any calves... so that can't possibly be how they get here. Why won't you tell me?"

"If it's as complicated as people say, you could show me, you know... "

Finally, they arrive at Coranda and Amato's cozy Thunder Bluff home. Without preamble, or even a knock, Amato opens the door and shoves Toranda in. Coranda, who had been reading, jumps up from the couch in surprise. Ignoring his wife's bewildered expression, Amato glares at Toranda and says:

"You. Explain. "

"I... am going to stand outside this door. And if you try to leave before your sister pounds this information into your head, I will deliver you to the Earthmother myself."

To emphasize his point, Amato's form melts and blurs into the form of a large, well muscled, and clearly unamused lion. A swipe of his paw closes the door, and a low growling punctuates the sentiment. Were one able to understand the words those growls masked, one might've caught phrases like "must be what it's like to have a teenager" "never in a million years..." and "not even an elf!"

After twenty minutes of jumbled explanation from her sister, Coranda throws up her hands in exasperation.

"Curse Coriakin for a motherless ogre! If he were still on this plane, I'd have his horns and his staff for this. He told me he'd take care of it. After that incident with the exploding pasties, he told me he'd tell you where calves really come from. And now I hear you're making a fool of us both with that whistle nonsense? Sweet curves of the Elf-Goddess, Tor, where have you been that you haven't at least picked up the basics?"

"Haven't you read anything I've sent you? Greymane's Anatomy? The works of Kinneus the Younger? Sorell's Ways of the World? That one even has pictures!"

At Toranda's sheepish look, Cora sighs and takes down a large, colorful hardbacked book, which looks entirely out of place among the volumes of staid texts.

"Fine. We'll start from the beginning. When a bull and a female love each other very much..."

Toranda rolls her eyes, a retort dying on her tongue. Clearly, her sister is going to lecture her and she has no choice but to listen. Hopefully she'll get to the good part before the season's end.

Choosing to ignore her sister's indifference, Coranda continues undeterred:

"...You know the sexes have different parts, right? You've spent enough time swimming with bulls to know that much, at least."

She flips the page, and points to an illustration. Toranda slouches, her eyes already beginning to glaze over. Mother's Teats, I'm not a calf, you know. I wish she'd just get to the point!

"This is a bull. They're usually bigger than we are, and arranged slightly differently. This (taps the page) is his contribution to the calf-making process."

"You should know this one. This is a female tauren, like yourself. This (taps the page) is what your insides look like, roughly. If you were going to have a calf, it would grow here. (tap)"

"In order to make a calf, many things have to happen in order. You know the time Soleyin used to call 'rusts the armor week?' Well, if this (tap) and that (tap) come together before that, it's possible that they can make a calf."

Toranda shakes herself out of her bored reverie to interrupt: "That's not what they told me in the other room..." Seeing her sister's expression, she repeats, word for word, Daichaller's whispered description of the calf-making process. At its conclusion, Cora bursts into a fit of giggles, wiping away a tear of mirth in the process. "Ha! Oh, oh, that's priceless. Mother's Embrace, I'll have to give that orc a medal of valor for trying...."

Once she calms down, Coranda schools her face back to some semblance of stillness and continues: "He's right, you know. That's part of it too. Well, okay, some parts of it aren't really necessary, but they're nice touches, if I do say so myself. Anyway, I'll get to that bit."

"In order for a male's seed to take root in a female's womb, their bodies have to meet. There are many names for that process, but in the end it's all sex. All those touches Daichaller talked about are just, as I said, nice little extras. The important part is when this (taps) goes in here (taps), and this (taps) meets this (taps). If all goes well, a a calf will sprout in the fertile cradle of its mother, where it will grow until it is ready to greet the world. And that is where calves come from."

Toranda stares at her sister wide eyed for a moment, looking from illustration to illustration in perplexity. She opens her mouth to form a question, but is cut off before she can spit it out.

"I know, I know. Those pictures don't make a lot of sense on their own. That is where those fancy flourishes come in. You see, often times the calf-making is... incidental to the rest of what's going on. A couple in the throes of passion might start a calf or an orcling or a child, but if they do it right, they'll definitely have fun. And with the right preparations... spells, potions, and the like.... one needn't worry about bringing a little one into the world if one doesn't want to. Did you truly never wonder why I gave you those potions to take every month? The purple ones? ... speaking of which, do you have enough? You've been gone for so long, you've got to be running out by now..."

Toranda blinks at the seemingly sudden change in subject. In answer, she holds up a belt full of tiny vials, 90% of which are empty. Once again, she opens her mouth to speak but finds that her sister has gotten there before her.

"Good, good. I'll fill you up on those before you leave. Anyway, those prevent you from having a calf until you decide otherwise. I can give you some that last longer, but you'd have to come to me for the antidote if you wanted to change your mind before the duration was up. Where was I? Oh, right. Why people go through, as you put it, "all that trouble." That's simple: it's fun."

Coranda lets a wicked smile spread across her face, looking for once very much like her sister. Dropping the children's book, she gestures behind her to a group of scrolls stacked haphazardly in one dusty corner of the room.

"There is, ah, plenty of literature to that effect. Those are some of Coriakin's naughty scrolls. I found them under his bed when I finally cleaned up his room after his disappearance. They're not the most sophisticated works in their genre, but there's nothing in there so shocking I'd have to explain it to you either. This, I think even you can read. I'll leave you to it."

With that, she rises and dusts her hands off, forestalling any further conversation from Tor with a look. "I'm going to go try to placate my husband. He looks like he's ready to maul something, and I've need of some things that are hard to find, so I'll take him to cool off. We should be... oh, a few hours. I expect that's enough time to get you interested. Read the scrolls. Trust me." With a wink and a wave, she strides out the door, confident in a job well done.
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#2
((For those confused, this takes place right after the conversation Melikar references in the How is babby formed? thread. Poor Toranda didn't quite grasp how calves were formed, and a number of Tribemates tried to help her out with that concept. Unfortunately, the concept proved a little beyond her, and Amato had to go retrieve her before anyone died of embarrassment. Thank goodness for patient siblings with big libraries.))
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#3
((Ha, ha, poor Toranda. I'm glad Mel and Kard already know plenty about the subject. xD ))
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#4
((A nicely tasteful way to handle the subject; not a conversation I'm looking forward to having in real life with either of my offspring.))
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#5
((Ah, well, I've had plenty of practice on that front. Working in a school that doesn't teach Sex Ed, I got lots of interesting questions for my tweens.

I recommend the What's Happening to My Body? books for Girls and Boys. Any question they can think of is probably answered in those books, with clear illustrations and direct language. They're great resources, and what my parents gave me when I was a kid.

Leaving them around for kids to read on their own can spare you the embarrassment of the conversation, but they're designed to be read by parents and kids together, so you can also read them as bedtime stories or the like.))
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#6
((Hahah! Awesome stuff, well done!))
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