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1) State your name and any titles that you have earned, through service to the Horde in battle or otherwise

I hate to make an egregious error by correcting the esteemed leaders of THE Ironsong Tribe, but I am hardly a peon. Why, I have preformed miracles so fantastic as to disgr…errr….I mean grace the presence of the noble Chief Bloodhoof, and why even the…hold your gasps, mighty Thrall himself! I even am the proud owner of an authentic, one-of-a-kind limited edition autographed leather bracer worn by Thrall himself when HE was just a peon. He gave it to me personally. Hard to imagine, isn’t it?

However, I have the proof right here in my [Enormous Traveller’s Suitcase]. For a modest commission, it could be yours! Oh, I’m sorry, perhaps I should introduce myself first. I’m sure you’ve heard of me, but protocol dictates that I introduce myself properly. Poindexter Bartimus Finkleheimer the Third at your service. Also known as The Amazing Poindexter, Poindexter the Magnificent, Poindexter the Exhaulted, The Fabulous Poindexter, Poindexter Esquire Petunia Pants, Poindexter the Amazing, or just Dexter. My name is known widely in many circl…errr…you don’t interact with any humans, do you? No, of course not.

Now about that bracer, I’m sure I have it here somewhere…

2) List your vocation, be it Mage, Hunter, or any other.

Miracle Worker

3) Please introduce yourself to us, as much of your personal history as you feel comfortable sharing at this time.

It’s rather strange to be dead and still be scar…. Errr, wait, I’m not exactly scared of death. You see, really you should pick up a copy of my latest book, [The Undead’s Guide to Being the Afterlife of the Party].

(Now, if only I could find a publisher.) Hey, have any of you taken up publishing as a profession? Well, let’s talk about that a little later.

Anyway, I’m tired of all the whining and moaning that goes on amongst the undead circles and it’s my goal to take advantage…errr…to rectify the somber dispositions of my compatriots. After all, what’s wrong with being dead? Being undead, as it were, is practically like being in heaven; in fact, it’s better than being in heaven! Where else could I possibly find a completely untapped market to exploit…errr…explore? Not to mention, one that hasn’t even heard of me... uhhh…I mean in regard to my miracles. In fact, the whole Horde is in dire need of my services as a miracle worker.

Why, just the other day I was running around the Barrens. You wouldn’t believe what these people need help with. Fix this, get that, do away with this, do away with that. Why, a few brib…errr…brave miracles later, and here I am. Perhaps you heard of my most recent miracle? The good people of Feralas hadn’t seen a drop of rain in over a year and half. It was the most miserable drought. So miserable in fact that they had to call upon the services of the greatest miracle worker in all of Azeroth.

When she wasn’t available, they called upon me, naturally. The rest is miracle history as they say.

4) Tell us about any professions you have taken up, such as Tailoring or First Aid.

This is the perfect segue question into my new business venture. It is my professional responsibility, no, duty to bring useful items and goods to the good people (and bad people for that matter) of the Horde. Since I don’t sleep anymore (another benefit of being dead), Poindexter’s Magical Emporium is open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week…and holidays too! Why, we’ve got the most impressive collection of rare goods and services in all of Azeroth. And, we don’t ask any questions, as long as your heart is in the right place. (My pocketbook.)

5) What are the Clans, Tribes, or Guilds that you have been a part of in the past, if any?

I used to be in this group of money-pinching misers by the name of Moon Ascendant. Oh no, they didn’t run me out of their organization. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’m sure it’s not true. I’m, uhhh, perfectly well respected amongst their ranks, and I’ll, uhhh, get that loan back to them precisely when our legal contract states: “Such and such, so on and so forth, Poindexter Bartimus Finkleheimer the Third agrees to return borrowed funds upon which time Molten Core freezes over, or upon his second death.â€
*wrings hands with a sickening crunch*

It must be two months ago that I heard of a particularly potent tea variety. I've scoured every Apothecary's shop in the Eastern Kingdoms, sent out many requests, and even resorted to goblin help, but it seems that the last known fingernail clippings of Kel'Thuzad were used in a transmogrification experiment to create more personable Undercity guardians.

Until reading this lovely interview, I had conceded that there would be no tea until Damoxian breached the fortress of Naxxramas and clipped the Lich's fingernails for me. Perhaps you could be of help here. I would be most grateful!

There could not have been many fingernails used in the Undercity experiments, since the Apothecarium quickly found that even remnants of the great Lich did not, in fact, have a reposeful effect. But they are said to brew very good tea.

Please contact me should you have any good news!
Wow, it's been a long time since I've given any leeches a manicure. Thinking back on it, it was a rather unpleasant experience; although, not without it's benefits. I don't think I have any leech fingernails lying around right now. However, who am I to deny the request of such a lonely hag...err...lovely maiden such as yourself. Anyway, that's why I have my slav...uhh...friend, Edward: to clip nails for me. And, what's the use of Ironsong Tribe having a miracle worker within their ranks, if siad miracle worker could not produce said miracles.

Now, since I'll be traveling to this leech cave (no small task) and breaching the forest of Nastybreath, this could take some time. Why, I've known many people to get lost for years in much smaller forests. First, I'll have to pack up my nail clipping gear, and that could take whil...oh, and then there's the matter of payment. I usually take half up front, but for you I'll make an exception and take the full amount.

Anyway, what's a small matter of time when one is dead? Believe me, I'll have you saying "It's tea time" in no time!

Oh, actually, I suppose it would better ingratiate me with the Ironsong messes...err...masses if I were to acquire the fingernails first. I suppose I could do it this one time.

Fine, then it's settled. I'll just draw up the paperwork, all you have to do is sign and initial each page and send it back to me. No need to bother reading all five-hundred and sixty-two pages. The last one with your signature is the most important.

Oh, by the way, I also know a fine young Warlock who may be interested in purchasing your soul if you might be interested. I could combine those two contracts into one legal document for your convenience. Oh, really, it's no bother. Happy to be of service.
Poindexter Bartimus Finkleheimer the Third
Miracle Worker / Legal Advisory / Curator
~ Dexter's Magical Emporium ~

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