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Evielocks and the Three Bear Tanks
Evielocks and the Three Bear Tanks
by Dispaya

copyright 2008, all rights reserved

DISCLAIMER: This story is meant for educational and entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual places, events, or real persons be they living or undead is purely coincidental.

Once upon a time in the faraway land of Silver Spring Merryland there once lived three bear tanks.

They were named Tamato, Panda and little Cloudnewb

On this happy spring day Tamato was getting in a very grumpy mood because little Cloudnewb was always complaining that his lewts were not phat enough.

Finally Tamato had enough of Cloud's constant whining for lewts...and he got the family together and they all decided to go off on a nice family Serpentshrine Cavern raid with their tribe in hopes that little Cloudnewb would finally stop all of his constant fussing.

After what seemed like endless hours of trying to persuade anyone in their tribe to help them, the three bear tanks finally collected a group and so they merrily packed up their netherweave bags and headed out for a nice evening raid. Panda packed everyone a nice picanic basket filled with Goblin Chowder and broiled basilisk tail ka-bobs and Tamato wore his shiniest armor. Cloudnewb had no shiny armor so he wore only his usual greens. And so off they went on their merry way.

By and by, along came a little undead girl who was lost in the woods. Her name was Evielocks.

Evielocks was a warlock of the highest calibur who specialized mainly in enslaving and binding demonic entities to her will and casting spells of affliction to envelope her enemies with unearthly pain and agony. But she was also a very nice girl and not a bad cook to say the least.

Sadly she had come to be lost when her atlas mod failed to load and as she had little or no sense of direction she wandered aimlessly until she came across a small house in the woods. It looked like a very cozy place to get some rest and Evie hoped that maybe some nice humans lived there that would provide her with a nice dinner.

She hoped beyond hope that they would not put up too much of a struggle.

Evielocks entered the small house and first made her way to the kitchen. In the kitchen were three knives. The first was a Dai-KAtana and it was much too heavy! The second was a little sharp letter opener and it was much too small! But the third knife fit nicely in her hand and the blade was weighted just right!

Next Evielocks went to the bedroom where she hoped to find the helpless humans sleeping. Silently she crept over to the first bed but it was too big! There was no way humans lived here. Evielocks began to get afraid.

The next bed was a little smaller but laying across it was a large 2-handed axe! Evie tried and tried to lift it but it was just too big!

Finally she went to the third bed. It was a little smaller still but was littered with food crumbs and lots of old socks! "Peyew" she said...some really stinky footed person must sleep here!

Sadly...Evielocks went back to the kitchen. If there were no humans to dine on maybe she could find something else.

She looked in the cabinets but there was no food there!

Then she looked on the stove and found a whole pot of yummy Turtle Porridge! Evielocks had no idea what porridge was nor how to spell it...but it smelled yummy so she poured herself a few bowls and just helped herself despite not really knowing the ingredients.

When all the porridge was gone she was feeling very sleepy but there was no way she could go back in that bedroom with all those stinky socks...so she headed to the sofa and stretched out her carcas and fell sound asleep.

A few hours later after a successful raid during which their tribe managed to fell all of the first four bosses despite being told they could never succeed as a tribe...the three bear tanks returned home.

Tamato came in first and looked around and said...hey...someone has been messing with my fine dagger of spirit!

Then Panda checked the bedroom and said hey...someone has been messing with my fine adamantite great axe!

Then Cloudnewb checked his bed and realized that nobody had even come close to touching his dirty socks! "Hey..." he began...and then decided not to say anything.

Just then Tamato realized that all of the turtle porridge was all gone so there would be nothing for dinner. He began to build rage!

Then Panda spied a dead corpse laying on the sofa! "Well somebody has been eating our porridge and there she is!"

Evielocks heard the disturbance and woke up to find that she was surround by the three bear tanks!

What is that thing? Panda screamed!

What is it doing on our sofa? Tamato asked!

And why is her hair like that? asked little Cloudnewb.

Evie started to explain her hair, but she thought it might be better to blast these three into the fiery pit of the Abyss instead...bedcause after that she could look for some more porridge.

And so she immediatly started casting buffs on herself because luckily hers were all insta-cast spells.

The three bear tanks next decided to take a long pause to discuss a strategy.

"I will tank her" came Tamato's reply. "Panda...you can heal while little Cloudnewb does dps because that is all he is good for!"

"I don't wanna do dps...I always do dps!" came Cloud's reply.

"Now dear" Panda responded, "until you respec you will just have to be happy to do dps...otherwise we will have no further use for you in this fight."

Evielocks prepared to cast her first deathly spell but she suddenly found she had to wait because Tamato had not pulled her yet. On went the discussion.

"I think you will have better luck healing us if you stand on the table." Tamato offered.

"Yes but what if she decides to attack me and evades?"

"Yes I see your point...well then we will just have to tank and spank her until she dies."

As Tamato and Panda started to close in Cloudnewb finally spoke.

"Hey...I can't see with you both standing in the way. Taurens are just too big! Plus I have never fought this thing before."

"Oh just dps her until she dies..." tamato rolled his eyes.

They turned to face the evil vile Evielocks but alas...she was gone.

Evielocks had become so bored during the endless discussion that she was forced to take a bio break before returning to the battle. Evie returned to face the three bear tanks just as her 30 minute buffs were beginning to wear off.

She turned towards the three bear tanks and said in a voice most threatening:

"I would really like to pwn you all except I really never PVP...are you all really sure this is necessary?"

The three bear tanks looked at each other in amazement.

"Well..now that you put it that way..." Tamato replied.

And so, because they were all in the Ironsong Tribe...the three bear tanks and Evielocks all just hugged and hugged instead of fighting.

And so they all lived happily ever after.

And the moral of the story is:

Never let anyone tell you we cannot raid successfully as a tribe. There is nothing we cannot do if we put our minds to it!

The End
Sing True Ironsong!
(Best. Story. Ever.)
Righteous are those who look up and sway with the wind,
Who look down and dance with the shifting of the soil,
Who swim with the movement of the tides!
...wish I could read it....all these people using soft colors as text do not show up against a white background well...
Shantow the Bear
The Ironsong Tribe

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." King
Krellser...just click and drag a highlight box over it with your mouse...you should be able to see it then. :-)
Sing True Ironsong!

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